Lost: The Cell Phone Chronicle
Start out with a guy walking through a store to select a phone. Many close ups of phones to fill time between credits. Show walking out of store with bag to imply purchase.
<insert Title>
Garrick: Hey, check it out! I got a cell phone! With Jack Bauer Ring tone! <insert ringer>
Court: I thought you said you would never get one of those
<stare pane shots>
Garrick: . . . Shut up. <pause> Check it out though, it Sexeh! <lip bite> And and and and it’s got free long distance. . . some times. . I think.
Court: GANK – hah sweet I’ve been meaning to call Mrs. Cleo for a long time. Ever since I had to start calling her through the Tennessee jail system It’s been costing me hundreds!
Garrick: DUDE! What the fuck! I havn’t even made a call with it yet! I wanted to
Court: +interrupting+ Pop it’s cherry?
Garrick: +blank stare+ Yeah, that. Bastard give it back!
Court: Hello? Mrs. Cleo? Yes, this is Court. Great to hear from you too.
Garrick: DUDE, get off of it!
Court: +covering phone+ I’ve got to have my psychic fix.
Garrick: Not on my phone! Call from your house!
Court: Cleo, I’ve got to go. Oh you knew? Yeah he is being a dick. Damn you’re good. I’ll call back in a bit. Later.
Garrick: +takes phone – holding in hand+ Fuck, now I don’t even get to deflower my OWN phone! =/ <mutters> . . .poop head. . . <normal tone> Lets go to get some food.
Court: Ihop?
Garrick: sure thing. +Thrusts phone into pocket as he walks away missing his pocket phone lays in grass+
Scene 2
<takes place at IHOP>
Garrick: I’m thinkin’ I want a short stack.
Court: I’m definitely going to have some shrimp.
<dubbed voice> Alright I’ll be right back.
Court: what did you think about that new movie?
Garrick: all hype.
Court: WHA!?
Garrick: <interrupting> I don’t care what you say, you son of a jackal. It just wasn’t as awesome as it was made out to be. I’d rather watch death tunnel. <looks at camera> At least that way I won’t expect greatness and then be let down like the fat chick on prom night.
Court: Point taken. . . I still liked it though. . . <gets food> That was fast, You’re getting a huge tip lady!
<eating eating eating>
Garrick: Ugh why do we eat here? <holds belly> It always makes me feel icky. Lets get outa here.
Court: Alright. <implied paying>
<Court and Garrick walk out – right out side of the door. . .>
Garrick – DOH GOD!! Where is my phone? <panic> Do you have it?
Court: you lost it already?
Garrick: NO! DON’T SAY THAT! I bet it’s still in there.
<they run back in and look around>
Garrick: OMG it’s not here!!!! Shit on me. . . shit . on . me.
Court: <to random girl> Hey, can I borrow your phone?
Random Girl: Sure.
Court: <dials the phone and stares off into space>
Garrick: <freaking out> What are you doing court!? Who are you calling? Help me look for my. . .
Court: Hey cleo!
Garrick: . . . phone. . .
Court: Yeah, he just lost his new phone. You are REALLY good. <puts finger over Garrick’s mouth> Do you know where we can find it? <repeating> The phone is in a place that hits close to home? Or it could just be a yard away? Thanks Cleo, I hope we find it. <hands phone back to girl> Thanks.
Random Girl: Welcome.
Garrick: Well? <Walking outside>
Court: She said it could just be a yard away.
Garrick: Well, here goes nothing. <pulls yard stick out of no where. And lays it on the ground> < Examines the ground closely> LIEEESS! Stupid psychic! What good is she, she can’t even find my dang phone!
Court: DON’T you DARE talk about Ms. Cleo like that! Besides it’s a riddle, <condescendingly> c’mon genius, use your brain.
Garrick: <scowl>
Court: <smug>
Garrick: What else did she say?
Court: She said it could be some place that hits close to home. <shot of Garrick’s face in thought>What hits close to home for you?
Garrick: I don’t know
Court: Lets see. . . TITTIES <Garrick’s face = slight confusion> Nope, not the stripe club. . .
Garrick: Damnit.
Court: I sexed your cat.
Garrick: . . . gross, yet impressive.
Court: Your brother says he loves you.
Garrick: Shut UP! Don’t talk to me about him!
Court: looks like that one hit pretty close to home for you . . . Where is He anyway?
Garrick: He is in Arizona I think.
Court: THAT HAS TO BE IT! <holding finger up in Eureka fashion>
Garrick: What has to be it?
Court: It’s in Arizona! That is the only logical Explanation.
Garrick: You can’t be serious.
Court: Think about it! Your brother was abusive in your house, He HIT pretty close to HOME, if not in the home. Your phone is Definitly in Arizona.
Garrick: . . . Court, honey, baby, I just had it 20 min ago. I’m pretty sure it’s somewhere in the greater Wichita Area. <court shoots a WTF look> Just help me look in my car.
Court: Holy Crap – This wouldn’t be so hard if your car wasn’t so messy.
Garrick: just look, would j’yah’?
<a few min later>
Court: definitely not here.
Garrick: agreed.
Court: Can we Try Arizona now?
Garrick: <shakes head and gets into the car and shuts door> I bet someone stole it.
Court: I bet you’re fucked.
Garrick: this is why I don’t buy things. This is why I didn’t want a cell phone in the first place. I can hardly keep track of my pants while I’m wearing them, how am I supposed to keep that little black doober in sight?
Court: I don’t know, maybe you should try not being a moron.
Garrick: Do you want to walk?
<fade to black>
Scene 3 – ride home
Garrick: I think I give up.
Court: you’re quitting? How much did that cost you?
Garrick: about 200 hundred dollars.
Court: And you’re done looking for it?
Garrick: Meh, I bet someone stole it when I wasn’t looking. Seriously. . . If you found that phone laying on the table at IHOP would you return it?
Court: nope.
Garrick: Our waitress probably thought it was her tip.
Court: that’s a hell of a tip right there.
Garrick: no joke. . . I’m done looking for it.
Court: Do you always give up this easily?
Garrick: only when I know there is no possible way im getting it back. You just got to know when to cut your losses.
Court: <into voice recorder> Note to self – hide Garrick’s laptop and convince him it’s stolen.
Garrick: what was that?
Court: nothing
Garrick: back to my house?
Court: Hell yeah, I’m going to stomp your ass in Pokemon, beeitch.
Garrick: What the hell that was stolen back in the 7th grade.
Court: what ever, I’m still going to kick your ass in it.
<fade to black>
scene 4 – at home
Garrick: <sad looking> I can’t play this right now. . .
Court: because I’m kicking your ass?
Garrick: no I miss my phone. I don’t want to give up on it. It’s still out there somewhere, I can feel it! Besides, what would Jack Bauer think if I gave up?
Court: he’d probably kill you, and then he’d tell you to quit being a pansy and play some more pokemon.
Garrick: forget pokemon – I’m going to look for my phone, come help me.
Court: Pfff, I’m going to train my pikachu so I can seriously kill you when you come back.
Garrick: <Rolls eyes> alright – I’ll be back. < walking out of the room>
<Garrick walks outside and starts heading to his car when he hears a fain sound of a phone ringing. He perks his head up and hears it again. He runs over in the direction of the phone, franticly searching the grass for the phone.>
Garrick: C’mon! I know you are around here somewhere! <xP> YES! PHONE! <answering> Hello?
Jack Bauer: This is agent Bauer I am with the CTU.
Garrick: Jack Bauer? THE Jack Bauer?
Jack Bauer: This is THE Jack Bauer, you have to trust me. NOW!
Garrick: Alright, I do, what can I do for you?
Jack Bauer: Quit being a pansy and go play some more pokemon! Then when you are done, upload a picture of you getting killed by Court’s Pikachu to my PDA.
Garrick: Oh. . . kay. . . I can do that. <pause> Anything else?
Jack Bauer: <Click>
Garrick: I wish he’d say bye at least once. <returning to court> You’ll never guess who called me!
Court: who?
Garrick: Jack Bauer – He told me to come play pokemon with you.
Court: good.
Garrick: I wonder how he got my number
Court: he is in the CTU – he can to ANYTHING
Garrick: I bet he is stalking me <looks over shoulder>
Jack Bauer: < in hoody carrying luggage> THERE IS NO JACK BAUER HERE, YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME. NOW!
Garrick: Awww hell! You just killed me!
Court: Pikachu just Killed you, loser!
Garrick: I’m such a failure at life. . . I wish I could just disappear.
Jack Bauer: I COULD MAKE THAT HAPPEN.
Court and Garrick: Ooooh Jack – AHAHAHAhahahah.
Jack Bauer: <serious look on face>
Court and Garrick: <laughter turns into nervous laughter>
Jack Bauer: I’M NOT KIDDING, YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME! <clicks gun back>
Court: Takes a step away from Garrick.
END!
